You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
