I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize