Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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