Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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