I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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