WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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