This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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