anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
