Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
