if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
