I didn't shave. On purpose
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
