your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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