thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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