if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
