You work out of a Hotel?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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