Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
