i jhust puked up my retainher.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
