last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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