There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize