wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
