Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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