Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I need help removing her.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
