And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
