He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
