Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
third nipple confirmed
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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