I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
