yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
