Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
