shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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