Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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