I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Boobs speak an international language.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize