He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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