Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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