What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
