I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
