im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
