He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize