On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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