Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
