i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
