remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
