Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
