there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
