She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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