Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
