I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
