if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
