I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
