You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I looked at my own cervix.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
