Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
