My cat gives me a boner
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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