Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
