My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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