I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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