Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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