I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
