is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
