My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
