Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
