his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize