I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
