I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
