This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
