yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
