it hurts more in the daytime
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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