just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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