i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
