Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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