and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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