there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
