So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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